You get on an elevator in which you find your neighbor.You say good morning, followed by a "seems good today." And then, nothing.It's a very common scene that can happen even until to the most talkative.However, this kind of awkward silence can make the difference between feeling accepted or not .Do you want to know how many seconds it takes to feel rejected?
Uncomfortable Silences.This is the time you need to feel REJECTED and it is too little
Four seconds .It seems a very short time interval, but it is all that is needed for a silence become uncomfortable and we feel rejected.
On the contrary, a good conversational flow implies that we improve our self-esteem and feeling of belonging, s a Dutch study published in 2011 in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology .
« The flow of conversation is associated with positive emotions and a greater sense of belonging, self-esteem, social validation and consensus «, explained the research team of the psychologist Namkje Koudenburg, while« interrupting the flow by a brief silence produces feelings of rejection and negative emotions «.
The uncomfortable silences of more than four seconds can cause us anxiety.The answer to this enigma goes back to something very primary : For our ancestors, social exclusion could even lead to death .Although this has changed today, if it explains that we still have an instinct that makes us feel uncomfortable before incompatibilities with our interlocutor.
To reach that conclusion, the researchers conducted two experiments .In the first test, 102 students had to read a conversation in which one of the speakers commented insensibly that " obese people had to pay two seats on the bus ".In the first version, the tactless comment was followed of an awkward silence, while in the second no.The participants had to get into the skin of the interlocutor who proffered the observation and, obviously, they felt more anxious, rejected and with worse self-esteem in the first version.
In the second experiment, 60 students had to watch two videos about sexual relations between students and teachers.In both conversations the same topics were discussed, only that in one of the versions a four-second silence was included.the students did not go They were aware of this pause, they agreed to point out this video as the most uncomfortable.
So you know.If you don't want your interlocutor to feel rejected, try by all means to avoid these four second disastrous.And, if you don't know how to do it, use the FORD method, as noted by Curiosity .That is, when you don't know what to talk about, ask about four initials FORD: Family , occupation , recreation , dreams , which in Spanish translates as family , occupation , leisure and dreams .
Although there are many other tips to be a good conversationalist, and since Science Daily Online we have already revealed some of you.
Hopefully they work for you!
Image: sifotography/123RF File photo, sifotography/123RF File photo
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